Self Pity Rant (AKA The Real Reason Why We All Blog)

I can’t even think of an analogy or metaphor for how lost I feel right now…


Earlier, well…when I started writing this post, I tweeted this. It has just been one of those mucho frustrating weeks where I feel like I’m doing well because I’m exercising but in reality my eating is nowhere close to where it needs to be and I just am sick of it all. My weight shouldn’t be able to fluctuate 10 pounds every week. That horrifies me to no end because I know if I can’t change it, I’m in some serious trouble.

I mean yeah, I have my days of eating poorly, but I have narrowed them down considerably compared to even a few months ago and I’m still 20 pounds heavier. It was like my body was sick of being at the 225-230 plateau and just shot up 20 pounds. It’s insane.

At times I think “maybe you should take a break from Weight Watchers…” but I don’t really know if that’s the problem. Maybe I just need to track everything and then just actually be proactive about the many audibles my life throws at me. But I know there is more to it than that. My issue is how I look at not so much food, but how I treat meals and the importance of meals as celebrations and fellowship are to me. That’s something incredibly delicate that I have to explore, but I have no clue how to actually navigate that internal conversation.

I’m just mad that this isn’t coming easy to me when it never really has. I try to act like it is as simple as just tracking and being active, but it’s not nor has it ever been. On paper, weight loss is easy, but there are times when you are just pissed at your metabolism and genetics (no offense, ancestors).

I feel trapped in my own head. If I’m not eating, I’m planning my next meal. If I’m not exercising, I’m thinking about what I’m going to do at the gym or how many miles I’m going to run. I do all of this worrying and planning for the 5 seconds I spend on the scale every Sunday morning. There is no end goal any more. I’m just trying to get through the day and the week. At this point, I can’t even fathom the thought of being below 200. I guess I’m losing hope.

At this point, I’m so lost. I’m praying this is some rock bottom that I have to hit before my life goes in to some Rocky-style montage where I train and get in to shape so I can avenge Apollo’s death. All I know is tomorrow is another day and I’ll have to deal with it no matter what. Might as well try my best and see where that gets me.


4 thoughts on “Self Pity Rant (AKA The Real Reason Why We All Blog)

  1. Ok, you got the self pity rant out of the way. Now get back on track. As somebody who went from 292 to 160 and back up to 256, I know all the potholes there are. You just gotta deal with them. If you’re doing Points Plus, you gotta track. Everything. If you’re doing Simply Filling, eat your Power Foods and track your Weeklies. If you’re going do something else, do it, but don’t half-ass it. The first hundred pounds is easy. You gotta want the rest of it.

    I’m not trying to be a d*ck here, just trying to give you my view. I’m rooting for you because I know it’s worth it. And if you want it bad enough, you’ll do it. Besides, you’re not going to let an old man beat you down to 199 pounds, are you? 😉

  2. We’ve all been there… you want real crazy? I get mad sometimes for losing weight (no that’s not a typo) because I start thinking “why couldn’t you do this before?” I get mad at my younger self for not doing then what I am doing now. I’ve been stuck in the same revolving 5 lb for the last month… I’m pissed but I will not let my body win and you will not let your body win and yes we get pissed at our ancestors, I totally do but getting pissed mustn’t burn a lot of calories because that doesn’t help either. So pity party over and back to work my friend.

  3. I, unfortunately, have no advice, but wanted to let you know that I totally understand the difficulty of trying to move past using meals and food in general as a part of celebrations and fellowship. I have a few friends with whom I do nothing but eat; it would be weird to do anything else with them. I guess that’s kind of strange, but I don’t think I’m alone in having some friends like that.

    If you ever wanna go on a walk during lunch, let me know. We’re just across the street from each other and I’ve been known to take my sandwich with me on my walks.

  4. All awesome and inspiring comments. Sometimes, you just need to get some negativity out of your system and then keep going. Thanks!

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